


The Dark and The Light

by LynyrdSkynyrd



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Depression, Kinda, M/M, Overcoming Fear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-11 16:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7900447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynyrdSkynyrd/pseuds/LynyrdSkynyrd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo is a promising young talent, the next Maradona according to his coaches. But one day, an accident ruins everything and he kisses good-bye the thing that he loves the most. Leo is left in the dark, numb and confused, not knowing what to do with his life. But one day someone appears like a light in the darkness and takes the responsibility of becoming his guide to a safer place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_"I think about death a lot lately._  

_I think about it since I felt the cold wet asphalt under my right cheek._ _It rained that day, not_ _so_ _much but it was enough to make my longish dark brown hair stick to my forehead._ _I could barely hear other boys yelling at me, laughing and talking_ _between them._ _All I could focus on was the red hot burning pain._  

_And I felt the fear for the first time._  

_Not the kind of fear that you feel when you break your mother's favorite vase or when_ _y_ _o_ _u_ _are caught cheating on an exam_ _._ _No, it's the real fear you feel when your life is in danger or_ _your_ _dreams and everything you have ever worked for slipping_ _through_ _your fingers like sand._  

_Did I die that day?_  

_Did I die_ _,_ _but can't remember_ _it_ _and_ _still_ _wander_ _ing_ _on this planet_ _like a ghost that lost his way?_  

_I sure do feel like one. Especially when--"_

"Leo!" He hears his mother's shoutings from downstairs and sighs. "Come downstairs! You will be late for school!" 

Oh, yes. The school. 

Leo closes his eyes for a second, praying again and wishing this is just a nightmare. But he already did it for six months. Every day. First three months were okay. He was still in pain and going through hell, but at least it was summer break and there was no school. Now he needs to face all those kids who have no idea what's going inside his head and how much he hates them even though he has never met almost none of them. It doesn't matter. They can't understand what he is going through anyway. 

He closes Word Document after saving what he has written so far. It is not like he wants to be a writer, he doesn't actually care about writing but he just can't look at his mother's face and say all those things, can he? And he can't keep it inside anymore. It is just too much.  

Oh, his poor mother. What would she think if she knew how his son is lying down at nights, planning his funeral in his mind and wishing for things that cannot happen or crying and wrapping his arms around his fragile looking skinny body? Another restless night.  

"I am coming." He says softly. Maybe she couldn't hear him, it doesn't matter. He will be there in a second. And the pain will start again like every other morning for last six months. 

 

 

High school wouldn't be so bad if his life wasn't ruined six months ago. Or if he wasn't so depressed inside to function like his mother and his teachers expect him to. However people never try to understand you, this world doesn't have enough time to stop for a second and wonder what is wrong with all these kids, why are they so sad? What is their problem? No, of course they are just lazy. Leo wished everything was as easy as adults see them. My kid doesn't study? Must be lazy. My daughter is crying? Must be hormones. My son is sleeping in the class? Must be playing video games all night.  

Does our pain really matter to the ones who matter to us the most? 

Leo was lucky, his grandmother was his safe heaven. He was free from every worry, every sadness when he was in the small house of his grandma, because when everyone was expecting something from him, even when he was just a kid, his grandmother was only standing in the corner to give him whatever he needs, whenever he needs. 

She would say, " _deep down in my heart, I know you will succeed._ " _When_ , little Leo would ask impatiently, always hungry for a challenge and victory that comes after it, but grandmother would only smile softly and give him more cookies under the old hardwood table like it's a secret between them. 

However, she died soon after and he has never felt like this when he was with his parents or friends. 

Maybe because the expectation was always so high. He wasn't a very successful student but outside of the class, he has always been the number one. Even when he was a child who could barely stand on his two feet. Everyone wanted him in their team, everyone wanted to play with him.  Every club in their city wanted him. And his parents looked at him with stars shining in their eyes. How could he not feel pressured? He wasn't afraid. He has never been afraid of the ball and deep down he has always known that he was destined for greatness. He accepted it with humility, being better than other kids was a gift to him. What he does with this talent was going to be his gift to his family and everyone else. 

But then the accident, no, the incident happened.  

And his parents never looked at him with stars in their eyes again.  

Instead, they didn't even look at him in the eye after that.  

When we watch the news and see all those horrible things that happen to humans, we never think anything like that can get close to us, because it's always the other people. We are only the watchers.. Until one day, we are no longer on the other side of the TV. Then when something bad happens to us, we ask, _why me and not others?_ So Leo has always wondered what his parents thought after they heard he could never play again. Were they angry at him for being there that night? Did they hate the other kids? Were they sad because their son's eyes lost its color? Did they miss seeing their son's dimples? 

One thing certain that the scenario played in Leo's mind over and over again, he thought of ways of escaping, saving his future and career. What did he do wrong that night? Mind filled with these thoughts, so tired yet so busy to sleep. There were times he wanted to bang his head against a wall to free all those thoughts running inside his head non-stop because it was too much for his slender shoulders to carry without breaking down. 

And then every happy moment feels as short as a butterfly's life when all the tears we shed feel like oceans. The sadness is always the dominant feeling of them all. We remember some sweetest memories but never forget a single bad one. That must be why he could never think of anything else and still flinch when he sees a billboard announcing a football match or a River shirt.  

After all, it was his whole life. He wasn't pretty, he wasn't good at classes, he was a terrible painter and he couldn't write a paragraph to save himself. His only talent, only purpose in life was to become a successful footballer. And they took it away from him mercilessly.  

He has got nothing. 

Nothing.  

But his parents were still watching and the life was waiting outside for him. 

So he held his head high and attended every class quietly, waiting for sky to fall. 

 

 

He spends most of his time hiding behind the old library building, he tried to smoke once but it made him cough so much and smelled terrible. Instead, he read. He read many books after he was released from hospital. There were days, days where he didn't want to listen to his own thoughts and torture himself like he normally does. So, he decided to focus on other people's imaginations and dreams and thoughts.  

Like today.  

He didn't feel like attending his classes so he spent all day reading behind the old building, lying under the shadows of an oak tree. And when it is _finally_ time to leave, he didn't waste any time. He blends into the crowd. All other kids joke around and talk between them but he doesn't hear anything due to wearing headphones with loud music playing through his ears but suddenly he feels something softly hitting to his right leg. He looks down, eyes meeting with a very similar object that still haunts him at nights. He gulps before looking up to see where it came from.  

There are five guys on the other side of the street. One of them, fairly tall and muscular guy, lazily runs toward him. His tanned skin is covered with a thin layer of sweat. 

"Hey!" He waves at Leo with his left hand. "Can you pass the ball?" 

He looks down at the ball, looking so harmless for something that became his hopes at first and his nightmares later. Tanned guy looks at him expectedly and Leo wants to kick the ball toward him but he just can't and he takes a step back hesitantly, walking fast enough to considered as running. 

"Hey, no need to be so rude, man!" The boy yells after him but Leo doesn't listen to him, casting his eyes to the ground as he walks toward his house with a crazily beating heart.  

He feels like a coward. 

He _is_ a coward. 

 

 

"Señor Bravo told me that you ditched your Maths class.. Again." Celia greets him with a frown as soon as Leo opens the door.  

"I am sorry." He says quietly. He doesn't feel like explaining why he ditched the class. He has nothing to say anyway. How can you tell one person you love the most that you feel like you can't breath, that you feel like someone is strangling you? Would they understand why everything feels too much and you just can't find it in yourself to go on? When you have no power, no determination, no passion left, life has no meaning and you are just an empty shell.  

"That's not enough. You have to attend to your classes! This is your life, Leo and it's serious." 

"I know." He says carefully. "And I am sorry." 

"You know, you can't.. Your education is the most important thing in your life right now." _You know you can't be a footballer anymore_. 

She doesn't need to finish her sentence, he knows what she meant and it hurt more than running away from other kids like a freak. 

"Trust me, mom." He says. "I know." She looks at him with a pained expression and he hates it. He knows it means she can read him like an open book. 

"You only have one life. At least live it like you care." She says, looking quite crestfallen before going back to kitchen. Leo closes his eyes tighlty, he can't get over this ugly feeling of disappointing his mother once again. 

 

 

It's just football, his mother often says. Does she say this to make him feel better or is this how she actually feeling? Leo can't be sure. But he used to tell himself the same thing. And for a second, just one second, he actually believed it. On that sickeningly white hospital bed, he actually believed that he can move on. But then again, what does he have other than football?  

_It's just football. You lose one day, you lose today, you lose this year. It's okay. There will always be the other days and years. Other chances._  

It is a lie. Leo has got no other chance. He lost them that day and forever. 

When the pain was bearable, he escaped from the hospital, 5 days before they released him. He went to his grandmother's grave, standing in front of the headstone like he can actually see her chocolate colored warm eyes and sweet thin lipped smile. He hid his ice-cold scar covered hands into his pockets. She can't see him maybe, but his brain was under the influence of heavy painkillers and a part of him worried about her seeing him in this state. Miserable and hurt. 

Finally he couldn't carry his legs no longer and fell on his knees, he ignored the pain as tears rolled down his pale cheeks. 

"I couldn't. I failed. And I can't, not anymore." He was speaking frantically, maybe because it was the first time he saw the truth. At the hospital, it all felt like a bad dream. He was confused and numb. But suddenly, standing in the middle of a graveyard, everything became real and took him off guard. "I don't know what I am going to do. It was football or anything." He cried harder with each passing second. "I—I--" 

"Help me, grandma." He whispered finally, burying his face in his hands. 

When he got back to the hospital, his mother said nothing, just looked at him with a painful expression and hugged him tightly, whispering _'you are fine, baby, you are fine'_ to his ear. 

But it was another lie they made themselves believe. 

 

 

_"There is just so much pain and I don't know how to deal with_ _it_ _without screaming my lungs out or throwing myself out of a fucking window._ _I don't know what is happening to me._ _I stopped sleeping at night after the incident._ _Everything I eat makes me feel sick. It gets harder to get up and leave for school. It is painful to look at my parents and wonder what they see when they look at me._  

_I am tired of trying to make my mother happy._ _I am tired of her questions._ _What do I want to do after high school? Nothing._  

_I want to die._  

_Is that count?_  

_-Le_ _o_ _"_

 

 

He juggles the ball carelessly like he's had a ball at his feet since the day he was born as he walked down the alley. Due to following the same route everyday, he doesn't pay any attention to the graffiti on the old stone walls anymore. He is tired of seeing them, to be honest. He is tired of this old, dusty streets. He is tired of living like this, coming back to an empty house, waiting for his poor old mother to come back from work so they can eat their humble dinner together. He is tired of acting like it doesn't bother him but he is so fucking done with being poor and not being good enough to give his mother what she deserves.  

He has football, of course. This tiny round object that doesn't mean much to an ordinary person is his entire world. It is all he has got. But he, once again, is sick and tired of waiting for someone to discover him and his talents. Guess that's why he had done so many stupid things in the past. He was hanging out with wrong people for money and worrying his mother to death.  

He was so stupid.  

So, so stupid.  

"Cris!" He doesn't look up to the person who's called his name. He knows this voice very well and by thinking about hanging out with 'wrong' people, this guy was definitely one of them. "Hey, dude, it's been so long!" 

"Hi, Roman. Bye, Roman." Cris says monotonously. 

"Hey, man, what's your deal?" Roman protests annoyedly. "I was just being friendly."  

"I told you," Cris finally looks at him with fire burning in his eyes, "I don't want to hang out with you anymore, I don't want to talk to you." 

"So what?" Roman asks mockingly. "Now you are going to be your mama's good boy?" He takes a step toward Cris, invading his personal space. "Listen, pretty boy, I saw your true colors before. You are no good, so stop pretending like you can be a proper man." 

"Whatever, Ramon. I am going home." Cris says tiredly. He doesn't look behind to see what Ramon is doing, he really doesn't care. All he wants to do is get back home and collapse on his bed.  

He goes to practice 5 times a week and after school days, he stays with his friends for another hour to play around. He only feels at peace with a ball at his feet. Because it is the only time he is in full control. He had no control when his father left them or when his mother had to find terrible jobs to keep them warm and well feed. He couldn't do anything about his mother's sadness. But football is easy. He can control the ball effortlessly. He can score a goal in seconds, his friends or guys at the practice are no challenge to him. And he believes that the game will save him and his mother one day.  

So, he keeps playing. 

 

 

"How was work?" Cris asks when his mother finally comes back from work. It is dark outside and there are dark circles under her mother's eyes. Her once beautiful skin is now shaded with wrinkles from sadness and tiredness. She has aged more than ever in last 3 years.  

"It was okay." She smiles tiredly and looks at the table that Cris finished setting right before she came in. "Is dinner ready?" 

"Yes, sit down, I will get the plates." Cris says dutifully but stops in his tracks when his mother grabs his arm. He looks at her with questions in his eyes but she only looks back at him warmly. 

"You have changed so much in the last couple of months." She says slowly, caressing his left cheek with her callused hand. "I am so proud of you. My talented, smart, handsome boy." 

For some reason, he gets a lump in his throat and his eyes sting. Is he really what his mother think he is? Or is he just a huge, living and breathing lie? A mask to fool his friends, his mother and even himself? Guilt is eating him inside as her words are burning in his heart like a summer fire and ghostly cold hands wrap around his stomach, squeezing mercilessly. Every day, he tries to forget but he can't get over the images and the pain. It will always stay in his mind and his heart. His hand goes to his right shoulder unintentionally. It doesn't hurt anymore but he can still feel the pain. He can still hear the haunting voices. 

"I.." He clears his throat. "I will get the plates." 

And he runs away from his mother. His nightmares. His guilt. 

He runs away like a coward. 

Because he _is_ a coward.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another 'meh' chapter..

He hears the snaps of cameras, bright lights blinding him temporarily. But there is no fear, only excitement that comes with a great challenge. His parents must be here, in the stands. And maybe his grandmother, too, if she is not too sick today. But today, they are not the only ones. There are thousands of people watching and cheering for him.  

He takes a deep breath and looks down at the ball. He got this. All his life, he's worked for this, dreamed of this moment. He knows how to dribble past everyone on his way to the goal, he knows how to score a perfect chip.  

But then someone turns off the lights and he can't hear the voices of excited football fans anymore. He worries about his parents for a second. Where are they? What's going on? 

"Hey--" he says out of breath for some reason. It's strange. He didn't even start running yet. No, no, there is something that doesn't feel right. 

And suddenly, he feels a throbbing burning pain in his leg. His legs can't carry the weight of his body and he falls face forward. When he turns his head to the other side to breath, he sees a pair of running shoes. On a football field? Why would any of his teammates wear a pair of running shoes? 

But this is no friend. And definitely not on his side. 

"Hey!" A very familiar, haunting voice calls out. "You, kid. Look at my face when I am talking to you." 

He tries to move forward, using his hands to pull himself further and run away from this human shaped nightmare. But his legs and arms feel like jelly. He is weak. Once again, weak in front of this bastard. 

"What's wrong? Huh? Cat got your tongue?" He laughs at his own joke. 

This sick laughter is the last thing he heard before opening his eyes to the real world. 

He wakes up covered in cold sweat. There are still 5 minutes until his alarm goes off. He closes his eyes tightly, fighting the tears that want to roll down his face, and lays on his back for a second. 

He hates it. He fucking hates it. He hates being so weak. When he started to think that he was getting better, here the nightmares come back, striking again. Who is he fooling? This won't stop. He can't stop this curse, this pain. He pushes his fists against his eyes roughly as he bites down on his lower lip, swallowing down the sobs that try to escape from his throat.  

Another day starts. 

 

 

A leaf falls down on his open page, Leo pushes it a with the back of his hand without taking his eye off of the words. It's quiet in the backyard, everybody is in their classes, listening teachers giving lectures on boring subjects as they wait for the lunch bell. 

"Hey!" He hears someone calling, it's strangely a familiar voice. Leo cannot remember where he heard this honey like thick but rich and sweet voice before.  

He avoids him first, thinking he is talking to someone else. But stranger walks toward him. Only then Leo realizes this is the same guy from yesterday. The one with the ball. Oh, damn. 

Words don't make any sense now but he can't look up to him. He totally embarrassed himself yesterday by acting like a freak.  

"Hey, I was talking to you." He says, his words might be a bit rude but his voice is warm, cheerful and he seems like a nice guy. 

"Sorry." He mumbles, he sends a side eyed glance and turns back to his book. Other guy doesn't say anything for a while, maybe he is studying Leo's appearance. For some reason, this thought makes him uncomfortable. He is not bothered by other people normally but he already embarrassed himself once in front of this guy before.  

"Are you not the guy who is afraid of balls?" Taller boy asks suddenly. Leo is taken back by his voice after spending a long time in silence.  

"I am not afraid." He manages to say but even to his own ears, he doesn't sound very convincing.  

"Hmm, really? You seem pretty terrified yesterday." Tanned guy says. He walks around the stone wall Leo is sitting on. Leo doesn't feel threatened despite the other guy being taller and stronger looking. The truth is, he looks like a big puppy, the ones that look big and threatening at first but are actual sweethearts. Leo doesn't think he could hurt anybody. 

"Come play with me." He speaks (acts & sounds like a puppy, too), once again, suddenly, pointing at the ball under the oak tree, where Leo was sitting just yesterday. Leo barely looks at it before turning the page uninterestedly. 

"No, thanks." 

"Don't worry, it won't bite." He says jokingly but Leo doesn't find his attempt of humor successful. 

"I don't want to." He says firmly. Only then other guy's face falls, that small smile that he put on his full lips from the first moment he approached Leo is finally replaced by a frown. 

"What is your problem with balls?" Leo closes his book loudly as the lunch bell rings. _Finally_.  

Leo climbs down from the stone wall before grabbing his backpack from the ground. He walks toward the school building without casting another gaze toward the other student. 

"It's none of your business." 

 

 

"The bad boy is here." The tall Catalan boys says with a big smile on his face. This is the thing with Gerard, even when he is being an asshole, his smile always feel so sincere and sweet that you feel bad for being mad at him. He is a giant goofball.  

"If you keep ditching classes, you will be expelled soon." Javi says with a serious expression. Leo throws his backpack on table gracelessly without saying a word and sits down next to Gerard, only then he notices the other guy. He looks toward him uncomfortably.  

"Hi?" He says uncertainly. 

"Oh.. Hi!" Other one replies shyly. His first impression is this new kid is a nice guy.  

"Don't worry, he understands very little Spanish." Gerard says with his mouth full. 

"Gerard! It's rude." Javi says disapprovingly. Gerard only shrugs. Leo doesn't say anything but looks at the other guy apologetically. 

"Hi." He says softly. "I am Leo. Nice to meet you." 

"André." The boy answers with a warm smile.  

"Where were you during the English class, Leo?" Javi asks, his dark eyes remind Leo of coals. The thing about Javi is, he can be really threatening and scary when he wants. But actually he has a big heart. And Leo knows he is only asking because he cares, still, he is annoyed. 

"Reading." He says simply, taking a sip from his water bottle. 

"You can't keep skipping classes. You will get in trouble." Javi says sharply. This is another quality of him. He is a very caring person and he says everything straight to your face if he believes it will help you.  

"Okay, mom." Leo says sarcastically. Normally their conversation ends here but Javi must be so done with Leo's careless behaviors that he angrily slams his fist on the table. Poor André startles by the sudden change of mood. 

"Stop being ridiculous and focus on your life, Leo. You can't ruin it for something that will never come back. You can't change the past." 

"Javi, don't--" Gerard tries to say but he gets interrupted by Javi's deadly stares. However, Leo doesn't look as effected as Gerard.  

"It is my life." Despite looking so calm from the outside, for people who know him, his ice cold voice is a warning. "You can't control me." 

"Can't you see I am trying to help you?" Javi says frustratedly. 

"I didn't ask for your help." Leo answers quietly but still sounding dangerous. "Why don't you worry about yourself?" 

"You are my friend, Leo." Javi's expression softens. Leo knows that. He knows Javi is a great friend who tries to help everyone around him. But at the moment, it's just too much. 

"I am not so sure anymore."  

 

 

The last class of the day is Mr. Hernandez's philosophy and if it doesn't end in 5 minutes, Cris will kill himself by consecutively banging his head against the desk. Mr. Xavi Hernandez is a smart, well educated middle aged man who Cris has so much respect for. However philosophy is his least favorite subject. And if he hears one more thing about pragmatism or William James, he will lose it.  

As soon as the bell rings, he quickly walks out of the dusty school. For once, he doesn't stay late to play football with his friends. When he told Sergio he needs to leave early today, Sergio started complaining about how their team will be weak without Cris. But Cris avoided him. He has more important things to do. 

"Where are you running at?" As soon as he hears the familiar voice, he stops dead in his track, closing his eyes briefly. This is not a good time. 

"What do you want Roman? I am in a hurry." 

"I can see that." The older boy says amusedly. "I wonder where you are going, is your mama sick again?" Cris clenches his fists. He hates Roman, especially when he talks about the people he loves. Well, it's only his mother and his friends. He doesn't have many people in his life.  

"No." Roman eyes him for a second, he looks suspicious but he has something else to say so, he drops it. For now. 

"Anyway.. I have good news for you." Roman says, smirking as he gets closer to Cris. He stands tall, doesn't let his guard down. Despite working together once and being so called friends, he still can't trust someone like Roman. He gets pretty aggressive when he is angry. 

"I am not interested." 

"José is asking for you. I am talking about money, man. Real money! Big money!" 

Cris hesitates for a second. A couple of months ago, he would jump on the offer. But he's changed. After what happened, he can't go back to being that person. Not after seeing his mother's face shining by only seeing her son's good behaviors. He has always focused on earning more money to make his mother happy that he didn't even realize all he's ever needed to do was being a decent person. She only wants the best for him, she only wants him to be his best. His mother never cared for money. How stupid was he? 

"No. I can't. I told you. I am not doing this anymore." Roman's face falls immediately. 

"You are making a mistake, Cristiano. What do you think? You will be a good guy for a couple of months and suddenly everything is okay? You are not student type, man. We all know you can't make it to the university. So what? You are going to find a shitty job to earn a couple of coins to feed your hunger with a piece of stale bread? This is not you. You can't survive." 

"I am going to be a footballer." Cris says, sounding dead serious. Well, Roman doesn't find him very serious as he laughs his ass off. 

"A footballer? Are you fucking serious? You are 17 already. No one will want you if they didn't already." Roman stops laughing and gets serious. "Get your shit together, dude. Wake up and look around. You are only dreaming but this is the real world and soon you will starve to death. For people like us, this is the only way." 

"There is no way like that for me, not anymore." Cris spits out between his clenched teeth. "Now, please, leave me alone." 

 

 

Of course his first choice wouldn't be working in a fast food restaurant, smelling like frying oil and overcooked meat. However as just a high school student, he knows he doesn't have many options. Lucky for him, when he was about to apply for a job at a fast food restaurant, he noticed a sportswear shop that is looking for a part-time employee. It is a small place, they are only hiring because the owner and her husband are expecting a baby and they need all the help they could get. 

Owner of the shop is a sweet 35 year old woman with chocolate colored wavy hair and bright big blue eyes. Her pale skin is decorated with freckles. 

"Okay, did you write down your number on the form?" She asks with a polite smile appearing on her full, mulberry colored lips. 

"Yes." Cris hands over the papers he's already filled. 

"Since you are already 18, you can start on Friday. You will be working on Saturday, too but we are closed on Sundays. And I will need you to come a bit earlier on next Monday, I have to go to the doctor." 

"Of course." Cris says. "Is everything alright with the baby?" He asks politely. The woman, Ana, waves her hand in the air. 

"Oh, yes, yes. It's just a routine check up." She gives him a small tour, explaining what she expects him to do. After 5 minutes, Cris gains more confidence. In the streets, you have to fight for your place and money. Compared to that, this job is like a walk in the park. "Sorry, I can't pay you much but--" 

"It's okay." Cris says gratefully.  "Thank you for hiring me, I really needed this job." 

"Okay then." She smiles again. "I will see you on Friday." 

"Okay. Bye, Mrs. Echeverría." 

 

 

He walks around the city aimlessly, avoiding some spots. Who is he hiding from? His friends, his family, himself? He sees shadows everywhere he looks, like they are following him. Maybe it would be better to call them dark clouds. Because everything he looks at, everything he touches, makes him sad. Even when he is seeing that thing for the first time in his life. The pain in his chest doesn't feel like it will heal any time soon. He will never be the same again.  

He really didn't mean to say these things to Javi and Gerard. But they don't know where to stop, they don't understand if he lets them talk more, he will try to jump out of a window or something. He often wonders if he is overreacting or being dramatic? But even so, he can't stop this need of relief.  

He can't scream, he can't openly talk to someone, he can't cry unless he is locked in the bathroom with a towel pressed up against his face, swallowing down the sobs. His mother is trying to tell him there's more than football in life.  

Leo isn't even sure if it's still all about football. It's like, he must be sad for some reason. If he doesn't feel depressed or sad, he can't be Leo. It became a part of him somehow.  

It's funny how one day you have all the possibilities and a bright future ahead of you and next day you lose everything you have ever had and now all you have is endless pain and sorrow.  

Life is strange and Leo has no idea how to deal with it. 

 

 

"Hey." Leo tries to ignore him, he has always been a polite kid, his mother would be so disappointed if she had seen him now. With injury came the pain, with pain came the numbness and with numbness came the indifference. Apathy. Nonchalance. He doesn't care anymore. He doesn't care if he hurts people, if people hurt him or if they think he is an ass. Hell, being an ass is better than this. "I am talking to you." 

"What do you want?" He grumbles. Other guy spreads his hands like a shrug. 

"Look, sorry for being an ass today." Well, at least he sounds honest. That's what makes Leo slow down for a second. 

"It's fine. You don't know why I didn't want to play?" 

"No but it's okay. You don't have to tell me." 

"Seriously? It's not a secret, I thought everybody knew. It was, like, the biggest gossip of the year." He says, rolling his eyes. Why are high school kids so cruel? 

"Really? Well, I haven't heard anything about it." He bites his lower lip, not sure if he's allowed to ask. "Why, what happened? It's okay if you don't--" 

"I had.." He interrupts the taller one, taking a deep breath before repeats the same thing for the tenth time this year. "An accident. Last year." 

"Oh." He says because he is not sure how he must react. Was it a serious accident? What kind of accident he is talking about? 

"And I can't play football anymore. Before, I was going for professional career but now.. I am stuck here." Other boy's heart sinks. He is also dreaming of becoming a pro and if he loses this... he can't imagine how damaging it would be. This is all he's got after all. Now, he doesn't know this small and pale boy but if he was devoted enough to dream of becoming a professional football, then he shouldn't be much different than Cris himself.  

"I.. I am so sorry to hear that. That sucks, man." He says sincerely. 

"Yeah. Yeah, it does." Leo sighs. "Oh, I am Leo, by the way." He smiles apologetically. "Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself." 

"Hey, I did, too." Cris smiles brightly, secretly feeling relieved when the other boy smiled. He hates being around sad people, not because he can't stand them but he has no idea how to comfort someone. Especially when their pain is as big as Leo's. He feels like an idiot. "I am Cristiano, you can call me Cris." 

"Nice to meet you, Cris." Leo says. 

They walk in silence for a minute until Leo breaks it. 

"So, Cris, tell me.. Are you a good player?" Cris thinks for a second, this must be a sore subject for Leo, he doesn't want to brag next to him. But Leo is the one asking so he must be okay with it.. Right? 

"Yeah, I am the best." He says smugly.  

"Oh, really?" Leo says without looking at him. He looks forward but a smile forming on his lips. "I bet I could kick your ass." 

"Why don't we train together one day?" Cris asks, grinning from ear to ear. But Leo's smile drops all of a sudden, a dark cloud appears on his features and Cris realizes he must have said something wrong. See, this is why he doesn't want to be around depressed people. 

"I don't think this is a good idea." Leo says nonchalantly.  

They don't talk again until it's time to say good-bye. 

And Cris can't stop feeling guilty, he can't stop thinking about the defeated looking sad Argentine boy.  

Only if he knew what's about to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roman's name was supposed to be 'Ramon' but then I made a typo and.. I actually liked it lol

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I am writing. I just wanted to write about them experiencing similar pains in different ways and connecting with each other through their feelings *shrugs* I am sorry??


End file.
